Has anyone seen..

my breasts? I know I had them here somewhere but now it seems they’ve disappeared. Why is it that when you lose weight, it’s not in the right places? I still have fat fingers, big thighs and a double chin but where oh where have my big, old boobs gone, or where or where can they be? It’s just not fair. My boobs were big and round and I loved them. They weren’t the perkiest ones around but they were nice and full. Now they look like someone let the air out of them, it’s just not fair.

I’m not even entertaining the thought of plastic surgery. I don’t like hospitals and surgery scares me. With my luck, I’d get a doctor who decided to drink a bottle of Jagermeister before the surgery, cut off my boob and attach it to my forehead leaving me looking like a Picasso painting. Nope, I won’t do it.

There should be something that I can wear that will take everything and put it back where it should be. Some kind of harness that gradually squeezes them into submission. If it doesn’t exist then I’m going to have to invent it because this is pitiful or should I say titiful.